ADHD By Proxy
The more time I spend away from her
The more time I spend with myself
The more time I spend with my parents
I see myself as autistic and not embarrassed.
To my understanding there are
Non-stereotypical versions of autism
That encompass a lot of my tendencies.
I’m extremely empathetic, sensitive and
More than a bit OCD. I am
Very, very obsessive.
But with my ex she was so off the walls
She would have to run miles everyday
Just to be able to sit still
And even then she couldn’t
Always always moving—
Always always procrastinating.
Most bizarre and infuriating combination.
I am not a procrastinator but
When I was with her
I couldn’t get fucking anything done
I couldn’t take care of myself
I spent all of my time
Managing her feelings and
Cleaning up her house, the one
That she never cared to make me feel welcome in.
She would be so self-obsessed and disinterested
She would forget my birthdays
Belittle major accomplishments
And somehow complain when I noticed.
Her guilt was always
My problem to fix.
By the end of it she was feeling guilty about
Everything, I guess.
I would be too, if I couldn’t fucking do anything.