ADHD By Proxy

The more time I spend away from her

The more time I spend with myself

The more time I spend with my parents

I see myself as autistic and not embarrassed.

To my understanding there are

Non-stereotypical versions of autism

That encompass a lot of my tendencies.

I’m extremely empathetic, sensitive and

More than a bit OCD. I am

Very, very obsessive.

But with my ex she was so off the walls

So energetic

She would have to run miles everyday

Just to be able to sit still

And even then she couldn’t

Always always moving—

Always always procrastinating.

Most bizarre and infuriating combination.

I am not a procrastinator but

When I was with her

I couldn’t get fucking anything done

I couldn’t take care of myself

I spent all of my time

Managing her feelings and

Cleaning up her house, the one

That she never cared to make me feel welcome in.

She would be so self-obsessed and disinterested

She would forget my birthdays

Belittle major accomplishments

And somehow complain when I noticed.

Her guilt was always

My problem to fix.

By the end of it she was feeling guilty about

Everything, I guess.

I would be too, if I couldn’t fucking do anything.