American Pastime

Contempt is our national pastime, now

Our new baseball

The new apple pie

You aren’t American unless you’re

Ratting out your neighbor,

Shitting on your kids,

Bitching about work while

Belittling someone else’s

You aren’t American unless

You’re posting a CrossFit selfie

Between anti-abortion posts

While swiping right on every fat girl from high school

Seeing which one’s daddy fat-shamed her the most

She won’t care about condoms, or feelings, or

Being treated like a human being

You aren’t American unless

You read a pamphlet about

Meal delivery

That is actually a

Grocery delivery

Disguised as a

Diet plan

Disguised as a

Climate catastrophe

Oh–but it’s vegan!!

Tell that to the mountain range of garbage

Or the logo-ridden sea

You’re not American unless

You have a solution to everyone’s problem

But still can’t pay your rent

Heckling the hobo while

Spending 10k on a vacation

To sleep in a tent somewhere in another country

You’re not American unless

You wish you were French

The only nation who’s social culture

Is cuntier than our’s

Fuck every culture

Fuck every trend

Fuck every nation

I must be American

Because I’m loud, fat, poor

And full of contempt

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