At The Intersection Of Fat And Trans Is A Rock And A Hard Place
My First top surgery consultation
Set me up with a surgery date
And took my almost
3k deposit
For a surgery that was
“Definitely going to happen”
They pushed the date back
Twice— they then said
I had to lose
10 pounds in two weeks
In order to have surgery.
When I said I couldn’t promise I would show up
10 pounds lighter in 14 days
They looked at me like I was
Some sort of fucking idiot
Doesn’t matter that that rate of weight loss
Is impossible for someone with a history
Of Cushing’s syndrome, clearly stated
On my chart, by professionals—
When he picked up my tit
Like it disgusted him
I wanted to cut his hands off.
All of this happened to me
At the No. 1 rated place in town—
A place that people come to
From all states, all around
To come and have top surgery
With the best guy in our area—
A gay man with supposed
“Allyship” a gay male plastic surgeon
Who donates to pride
Who pays for sponsorships.
I decided to look
Somewhere else
Because clearly
He didn’t want to cut
My fat tits off.
He said it was for
This, this and that—
But I heard the anesthesiologist
Screaming about me
Over the virtual appointment.
She refused to cut
Such a fat fuck, she said so
Herself.
After this experience I had never been
So close to suicide and yet
Somehow I survived. Months later
I found a different surgeon
Who gave me a new life
Who worked with my insurance
And who worked with my body
She complimented me
She saw beauty
And now— after the fact
I know it’s because
She saw all the good she could do
With such a big, beautiful hunk of marble
With such wonderful oxygen saturation
Healthy blood pressure, and healthy blood sugars.
It’s amazing how different
Your perspective on yourself is
Depending on the company you keep—
But it’s alarming, and dangerous
The sort of attitudes people have
About who should and shouldn’t have top surgery—
Why am I so pissed
About non-binary people having surgery
They might regret…?! I’m not —
I’m pissed
That for whatever reason
You can’t be trans if you’re fat.
No matter how few side effects
You experience, and no matter
How many other skinny asshats
Get to do
Whatever the fuck they want
With their preexisting conditions—
Mine had to be sorted out
Completely
Before I was allowed to have
HRT, surgery, even fucking
Anti-depressants.
There is no medicine
A doctor will prescribe
A fat patient
Without weight loss as
The end result— this applies
To trans people, arguably— the most.