Big Smiling Selfies/Uncomfortable
A trans guy I met in town
Who broke up with his girlfriend
Who cared for him during his transition
Posts on social media
Every single day
Big smiling face,
Big smiling selfies.
I saw his profile before
I met him in person because he
Manages social media for a living lmfao
Which is—
The reason I see so much shit from this guy, anyway—
He lives on socials
Full time.
It’s his “job” lmfao
I mean, social media for a church isn’t really
Work in most places, kinda almost seems
Volunteer but anyway it’s his “job”
And if you meet him in person
You’ll know immediately
That not even a dog
Could spend time with this motherfucker
Before wanting to off itself.
He is
Performing ally,
Performing queer,
Performing trans and
Most of all
Performing happiness.
Why am I the only one
Who finds it upsetting and
Disconcerting
Misleading
For all trans resources
Living, online, offline—
To be performing a narrative —
Even if you go to a group
And ask about side effects
You will be met with a chorus of
“I don’t have that”
Faster and knee-jerkier than a fucking
Five year old with a stolen piece of chocolate.
Breaking up with his girlfriend?
A triumph in his narrative
Overcoming body dysmorphia?
Well— he got rid of it when he lost weight and he’s
Always going to be working towards
A healthier him and a healthier you and
Gotta keep improving this thing I fixed because
It wasn’t broke and I had to fix it.
Lmfao don’t pay attention
To the nonstop anxiety and
The nonstop performance
Of “I’m alright, I just need to go
To the gym. I just need a woman
Who respects that I’m a man”
Lmfao oh man
Literally
All this guy had to do
For me to believe
A single one of his pseudo-truths
Was for him to admit
That he had a hard time
During any of it
But god help us all—
Plenty of trans men
Seem to think
Toxic masculinity is going to help
All of their problems, and
Anyone that doesn’t let them
Be themselves without
Holding back is a transphobe—
When in reality
Some of these people
Are just regular old
Boring, uninspiring assholes
With enough complexes to make
Being with anyone uncomfortable.