Big Smiling Selfies/Uncomfortable

A trans guy I met in town

Who broke up with his girlfriend

Who cared for him during his transition

Posts on social media

Every single day

Big smiling face,

Big smiling selfies.

I saw his profile before

I met him in person because he

Manages social media for a living lmfao

Which is—

The reason I see so much shit from this guy, anyway—

He lives on socials

Full time.

It’s his “job” lmfao

I mean, social media for a church isn’t really

Work in most places, kinda almost seems

Volunteer but anyway it’s his “job”

And if you meet him in person

You’ll know immediately

That not even a dog

Could spend time with this motherfucker

Before wanting to off itself.

He is

Performing ally,

Performing queer,

Performing trans and

Most of all

Performing happiness.

Why am I the only one

Who finds it upsetting and

Disconcerting

Misleading

For all trans resources

Living, online, offline—

To be performing a narrative —

Even if you go to a group

And ask about side effects

You will be met with a chorus of

“I don’t have that”

Faster and knee-jerkier than a fucking

Five year old with a stolen piece of chocolate.

Breaking up with his girlfriend?

A triumph in his narrative

Overcoming body dysmorphia?

Well— he got rid of it when he lost weight and he’s

Always going to be working towards

A healthier him and a healthier you and

Gotta keep improving this thing I fixed because

It wasn’t broke and I had to fix it.

Lmfao don’t pay attention

To the nonstop anxiety and

The nonstop performance

Of “I’m alright, I just need to go

To the gym. I just need a woman

Who respects that I’m a man”

Lmfao oh man

Literally

All this guy had to do

For me to believe

A single one of his pseudo-truths

Was for him to admit

That he had a hard time

During any of it

But god help us all—

Plenty of trans men

Seem to think

Toxic masculinity is going to help

All of their problems, and

Anyone that doesn’t let them

Be themselves without

Holding back is a transphobe—

When in reality

Some of these people

Are just regular old

Boring, uninspiring assholes

With enough complexes to make

Being with anyone uncomfortable.


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