Broken Record/Good Deeds

Every gay person knows how many

Minutes there are in a year–

As a fat person I know

How many calories are in a pound of fat.

I’ve known since I was in middle school.

I know how many calories

Are in a tbsp of olive oil

I know the difference between

A tbsp and a tsp, and I can

Eye ball it, honestly.

I know the difference between

Good carbs and bad carbs and I know about

The healthy fats and the hydrogenated ones–

I know about protein and probiotics.

I know of the shit

You think I don’t, and

I’ve already learned

The hard truths

You don’t have to learn, because

I never had a choice–

It’s not a hobby to me, the way

Health and fitness is a hobby for so many–

The way veganism is a belief

Practiced, until guilty pleasures set in.

It’s what I was raised with

It’s the discipline I was given

All of the discipline so many insist

I lack is the very discipline with which

I harbor disdain, I am unable to control

My own contempt I am

Broken, mind bent on fat

A broken record just the same.

I know how many minutes are in a year

How many calories are in a pound of fat

And how many good deeds

Punish me

With the best of intentions.