Cat Sucks Butthole Dry—Somehow Sounds Sopping Wet

Why am I so full of rage

When my cat

Sucks his butthole off?

Why does it

Grind my gears

My inside ears

To a pulp

When little pretty kitty

Does some work around his hole?

It sounds like he’s

Sucking a raw, battered corndog

Out of a bowl of udon

With a bag of chips

Somehow mixed in

The fuck kind of sound magic

Is he pulling?!

If infuriating sounds

Were a sound anyone wanted

He would top all the charts

He’d be world famous

The fuck even

Is this SOUND he is making

With his fucking tiny, tiny mouth

And his tiny, tiny cat body?

How could something so cute

Be this abhorrently disgusting?!?

It’s taking

100% of my self control

Not to call the cops on this

Motherfucking noise offender

He oughtta be fined

I should fine him myself!

Maybe then he could chip in

For rent.