Childhood Rejection Trauma
*CW* depression poem af
I think where a lot of my recurring pain has been coming from
Is from childhood rejection trauma.
Between the gender behavior and the cushings and the
Broken bones and the stretchmarks and the round face I
Experienced a lot of weird things. My family
Didn’t really do anything. They just hid me, they were
Embarrassed. They were parenting
A cushing’s asthmatic during the peak of
Childhood obesity hazing in America.
They were being rejected, they were being ostracized
They were being othered, so it only made sense
That they had a playbook to go by.
Life does this, later
Regardless of who you are, but to have it happen
In your formative years, well–
I think it might have left a scar.
Sometimes I can’t even stretch I’m so
Bound tight with all this pain from
My insides to my outsides I am unable to
Socially walk again.
I think if it were true that
Trauma creates killers–
All of you’d be dead, or perhaps
I’m the other kind of killer, the self-sort
And I need all of these people watching
Otherwise I’d jump, for sure.
I’ve been wondering why it is that
Everyday or every other I spend
Hours with my head splitting open trying to
Understand why I should stay alive
When my family hates me so much, even though
We text everyday, they laugh at my jokes and
The past is where we left it.
Why does it keep coming up on it’s own
Even though it’s ended ?