Defenseless
I knew my life was different
From the other kids when I was
Very very young, for many reasons—
The doctors visits, the isolation, the bleeding
Curled toes, the dark purple stretch marks, the
The asthma treatments and whatnot—
But there is one moment
I’ll always remember
I think I’ll always remember it
Largely due to the fact that it gets
Reinforced in so many way— but
I remember
The first time I ever flipped someone off
On the bus
For picking on me —
They made fun of how
Short and fat and stubby and small
My short, fat, stubby, stunted fingers are—
I knew right then—
That I will not be taken seriously
Even in anger, due to others perspective
On my size and gender
I knew then I would be powerless
To these bullies, using
Normal forces, such as retaliation—
I would have to seek a higher power, such as
An adult, who as I soon discover
Often sides with the thin screamers,
Often believing that the thin bullies
Are doing me a favor…
I knew then that
I would have to remember
Why I had to fight back, and not
What I did about it
Because it doesn’t matter what you do
To defend yourself
If you’re mocked on all fronts
For something the hecklers
Don’t understand, and don’t have to deal with themselves.