Defenseless

I knew my life was different

From the other kids when I was

Very very young, for many reasons—

The doctors visits, the isolation, the bleeding

Curled toes, the dark purple stretch marks, the

The asthma treatments and whatnot—

But there is one moment

I’ll always remember

I think I’ll always remember it

Largely due to the fact that it gets

Reinforced in so many way— but

I remember

The first time I ever flipped someone off

On the bus

For picking on me —

They made fun of how

Short and fat and stubby and small

My short, fat, stubby, stunted fingers are—

I knew right then—

That I will not be taken seriously

Even in anger, due to others perspective

On my size and gender

I knew then I would be powerless

To these bullies, using

Normal forces, such as retaliation—

I would have to seek a higher power, such as

An adult, who as I soon discover

Often sides with the thin screamers,

Often believing that the thin bullies

Are doing me a favor…

I knew then that

I would have to remember

Why I had to fight back, and not

What I did about it

Because it doesn’t matter what you do

To defend yourself

If you’re mocked on all fronts

For something the hecklers

Don’t understand, and don’t have to deal with themselves.