Distractions Gone

First time I let myself feel sad.

I’m not sad about not being with her I’m sad about

Not being able to blame her

For the emptiness I feel.

Now when I’m here

Thinking big

Seeing things I wish I didn’t

Feeling some sort of way

Feeling misunderstood by the very

City I live in, in a country with a court that

Mocks my existence—

Now I can’t blame her

For feeling like shit, I have to blame myself

For allowing it.

I have to blame myself

For not raising the standards

Of the company I keep and

I have to take responsibility

For my feelings.

I’m okay with all of this because

The only difference is

I don’t have hers to take care of

As well. But again,

Sometimes the distraction is

All you need

To convince yourself that you’re okay,

Even when you aren’t, at all.

Sometimes the best way to get by

Is to fake it, make it okay by resolve.