Dosage vs. Time

I think I figured out why

I hate the microdosers

And the non-binary folk who talk about

Hormones like they are some sort of

Euphoric drug that they can

Self-administer and self-dose for

Certain effects, and not others–

It’s a fundamental misunderstanding

Of how HRT works.

It’s not about your dosage–

It’s about the time you’ve spent

With predominantly one or the other in your system.

Either mostly testosterone, or

Mostly estrogen.

A balance of man or woman, not a

Binary– a balance.

You can’t level the scales and

Lock it in place, it tips up and down

All over the place. It wants to self-correct

With one side heavier than the other, so

I just think it’s transphobic

To reduce our bodies and our healthcare

To appearance, motivated by physical goals

Motivated by an ideology of feelings rather than

The decision to live as what you really are–

Anything you want to be. Thanks to modern medicine

We have treatments to help those of us

Who need them. We don’t all get to look

The way we want to on instagram, and for most of us

That is not the motivation.

I am not a transgender man because I feel like I am a man–

I am a transgender man because living as a woman was a deception.

I identify as non-binary because I believe the differences between the sexes

Are less relevant than we believe them to be. Otherwise

You wouldn’t be able to change your hormones manually

And slowly, overtime turn into who you truly want to be.

That is what I am doing.

I don’t understand why it makes me a transphobe

To not want to be reduced to the dose of my hormones.

I also find it strange and more than a bit odd

To feel motivated to write journalism articles

For vice and others, about how

The effects of HRT are mild and reversible.

Why isn’t that shit being banned?