Fluctuations / Body Dsymorphia / Vices

Everybody’s weight fluctuates.

Most of your body is water.

If you’re dehydrated— you lose weight

If you go to a sauna

You sweat out water.

If you are inflamed

You retain water.

Everybody’s weight


Around a certain baseline

And often what I see

In the queer community, as well as

Everywhere else, are

People bragging

On the internet

About losing 5,10-20 pounds


Due to some change they made for

2-3 weeks.

That’s not weight loss that’s

Something else entirely— and yet

Talking to someone with body dysmorphia

About how their starvation diet didn’t do anything

Will result, at least if you’re me—

100% of the time in a callous laugh, a mock

A bickering.

Someone with body dysmorphia

Has to believe

That their suffering is leading them towards something

That isn’t just a fluctuation of the water in their cells

No matter how much

Their own life experience proves it

They will always laugh

Always chide

Always insist that me— fatty mc fatfat— is in denial—

There is always the underlying


That I haven’t tried

The exact same things

Or that I haven’t committed to them—

Or that I have some sort of

Secret binge eating disorder

Or whatever the fuck assumption people

Constantly make.

They all assume this


Because, they are unable to actually commit

To any sort of diet or lifestyle change

For more than 2-3 weeks.

Why it is that

That is my problem, is beyond me

But I have a really hard time

Talking to body dysmorphic people

Which, honestly

Is a lot of people.

I literally watched

My 6” tall anorexic “friend”

Eat an entire pie and follow it

With a whole wheel of Brie

And he mocked me

For ordering a pizza

And eating two slices, keeping the leftovers


He was mocking me

For not binging it, the way

He would, if he were

“A fatty like me”


I’ve never been anything like you

My life experience is nothing like a thin person with a childish eating disorder

My life experience

Is absolutely nothing like any of your assumptions

You are, however, unfortunately

Worse than all of the shit

You push on me and my life.

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