Fluctuations / Body Dsymorphia / Vices
Everybody’s weight fluctuates.
Most of your body is water.
If you’re dehydrated— you lose weight
If you go to a sauna
You sweat out water.
If you are inflamed
You retain water.
Everybody’s weight
Fluctuates
Around a certain baseline
And often what I see
In the queer community, as well as
Everywhere else, are
People bragging
On the internet
About losing 5,10-20 pounds
Quickly
Due to some change they made for
2-3 weeks.
That’s not weight loss that’s
Something else entirely— and yet
Talking to someone with body dysmorphia
About how their starvation diet didn’t do anything
Will result, at least if you’re me—
100% of the time in a callous laugh, a mock
A bickering.
Someone with body dysmorphia
Has to believe
That their suffering is leading them towards something
That isn’t just a fluctuation of the water in their cells
No matter how much
Their own life experience proves it
They will always laugh
Always chide
Always insist that me— fatty mc fatfat— is in denial—
There is always the underlying
Assumption
That I haven’t tried
The exact same things
Or that I haven’t committed to them—
Or that I have some sort of
Secret binge eating disorder
Or whatever the fuck assumption people
Constantly make.
They all assume this
Presumably
Because, they are unable to actually commit
To any sort of diet or lifestyle change
For more than 2-3 weeks.
Why it is that
That is my problem, is beyond me
But I have a really hard time
Talking to body dysmorphic people
Which, honestly
Is a lot of people.
I literally watched
My 6” tall anorexic “friend”
Eat an entire pie and follow it
With a whole wheel of Brie
And he mocked me
For ordering a pizza
And eating two slices, keeping the leftovers
—
Presumably
He was mocking me
For not binging it, the way
He would, if he were
“A fatty like me”
Bitch—
I’ve never been anything like you
My life experience is nothing like a thin person with a childish eating disorder
My life experience
Is absolutely nothing like any of your assumptions
You are, however, unfortunately
Worse than all of the shit
You push on me and my life.