Genderfluids
My gender really confuses me
I am not confused by it–
As much as it is just plain confusing.
It doesn’t get worse, it doesn’t get better
It is a constant state of
What the fuck is happening
I think perhaps
Other people have called this feeling
Genderfluid, but to be fair
I am also literally dealing with
Copious amounts of genderfluids
As some sort of testosterone thing
I also cannot understand.
You see here, my
Vagina used to be soft and wet and
Slippery wonderful and now it’s
Dry as a fucking elbow, but
For some reason
When I come–
I squirt so much
The lamp shines through it and
It makes a fucking rainbow on my
Bedroom wall. I think perhaps
I am a man, I just am also a
Woman, and depending on the day
I am just some shapeshifting,
Belting, bleating, ball-aching bully
Who picks on themselves about
Being too masc and too femme and
Can’t relax enough to be able to
Understand that I am who I am
I can’t keep fighting within myself about
What that is, I need to just acknowledge
The truth, which is perhaps that
My gender is fluid, and I
Can’t control the tides, but I can perhaps
Watch the moon and listen to her
Sometimes, instead.