Going to a Meeting Out of My Mind

I went to a trans guy meeting

I had fun, I felt fine

I got home

And I threw up in my mouth

Spit up, felt faint

Pain in my chest

So much adrenaline pumping through me

What does this mean?

Am I on the right track

Or am I on a highway to hell

Misfortunes and poor decision making

What kind of idiot does this

If you say anything like that

At the meeting

They all recoil

“That’s negative!”

“You’re being transphobic”

Ok so I didn’t say anything too overtly transphobic

But I did think it

A lot

What!

I hate myself! I’m not proud

About what I’m considering

I’m not feeling good about

Being misunderstood

Cutting my body open

Risking everything

If that makes me something

Something I’m not

Then so be it

I don’t need to feel pressure

To abide by your rules

When you preach breaking them