Heckle the Hecklers

Often I wonder

“What would happen

If I was as mean

To fatphobes

As fatphobes are to me?”

What if I took

My nutritionist hostage

And gaslit him about

Everything he ate?

What if I gave my

Two cents on

Every little thing

My mean thin friends eat?

What if I decided

To confront these people

Point blank, they way

They talk to me?

What if I laughed

Each time you said

You were trying to do something

For you and your health?

What if I mocked

All your efforts

Each day that you say

A word about them…?

What if I trolled you all

The way you troll me…?

You’d call the fucking cops–

That’s what. You’d cry,

You’d hide– you’d commit


If I treated people

The way they treated me

They’d be angrier than

I’ve ever let show, they’d be

Madder than mad about it

Ever published.

If the tables were turned

On the hecklers

You’d all finally

Shut the fuck up–

And go away.

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