I got Blue-Balled by my Partner’s Mom, and it’s worse than you think…


Some things really are too good to be true.

Yesterday we spent the whole morning looking at houses. We were told to, by my partner’s mother. She wants to sign on a house with us, and put a down payment on it and help us stop renting from a crazy situation.

‘Twas the most fun becky ever did have.

Yes it was, yes’sir/ma’am/themm’

It was like walking into my future, where we would actually fucking own something. Where we didn’t have to worry about landlord shit and neighbors and noise complaints and all this shit. I would be free!! We would save a ton of money, and be able to fully start our lives, start setting roots.

Oh, we could finally hang up actual pictures and artwork.


So many beautiful countertops…

This is NOT from one of the houses we saw, it’s just public domain countertop-porno

My thoughts are very perverted when I’m near any all countertops. I am a pervert, and I have a bit of a countertop “thing”. I don’t know how to explain it fully. I won’t try.

So we were perusing the finest countertops in all of this here ‘tucky land, and we find two houses that we envision living in until we are 90. It’s very exciting. They are well within our budget, and we are excited.

We make plans to come see it again Thursday, and get an inspection done. It’s all set, we are fucking PUMPED.


My partner gets a call from one of her moms coworkers. Her coworker says mother in question has been acting erratically, and not been herself. My partner starts investigating, and turns out, she has been exhibiting a lot of strange behaviors.

You know what one of these strange behaviors was? Offering to do things she doesn’t actually want to do. Wonderful, eccentric things. Some sort of side-effect of what she might be going through. Grand gestures. Grandiosity, they call it. House-shopping is a VERY grand gesture.

Grandiosity is a side effect, and boy was I affected.

Of course I would never blame my partner’s mother for any of this. She is going through something very scary, unpredictable and challenging. I respect her a lot, it is very difficult to see her go through his. I am putting my energy towards supporting my partner as she cares for her mom.

However, all of it is undeniably disappointing. We are pretty stressed out right now. Stiff vibes in the haus of gray kitties.

I understand that it was all a mirage, and it was a mirage for everyone. I’m much more concerned with and focused on my mother in-laws health. But, seriously. This is one hell of a tease. One hell of a fake out.

How blue are your balls, becky?

Glad you asked, universe.

My balls are so blue, it’s almost like I never had any to begin with.

Oy yes she has a much bigger task ahead of her than I do. Mine will wear off in a few days, but fuck me if I ain’t disappointed. I won’t get to see any more fancy countertops. Doomed to be an ungrateful shit, knowing what I could’ve had.

Back to renting my linoleum for another couple centuries.

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