I Knew It Wouldn’t Matter

Since the last post stirred up loads of bullshit with my breakup, I figure I might as well share one of those “super angsty 3am poems” I mentioned in my Is it love…? post.

If you hate ewey gooey stuff, stay tuned for our music series, soon to be released on the podcast!!! IT IS GONNA BE SO DOPE. I’ve almost got my setup set-up. Stay tuned.

I found it in a notebook that had bits of chili on it. I have NO IDEA how I still have this. I’ve lost so many things whilst moving across the country multiple times. I think this poem is circa 2014, probably August. I was physically weak, emotionally dead, and feeling pretty hopeless. Oh, and I was almost certainly high out of my mind.

I do not identify as a poet, so please be nice, actual poets of wordpress!!! Have mercy on my soul.

I knew it wouldn’t matter

what you know you thought I said.

What I know you’ve always known.

You take my eyes, piece them out,

one pupil at a time.

Such angry, spitfire pits, groans.

You liked me, when we first met.

I knew it wouldn’t matter then,

even when

I said you weren’t the first.

I knew it didn’t matter when

you said you never tried before.

The thing you fear the most, love doe,

is knowing every part of you.

What will you find behind

when you undress

the parts you’ve never shown?

To me, I’ve never known another

so far from their real home.

You talk of love and family,

but reject your own identity.

You seek communion, alas a

baptism, would better suit.

I thought you understood!

Eyes met, shining back at me, love doe.

You knew it wouldn’t matter, when

your love fell wasted next to me.

We knew it wouldn’t matter when

you felt, with me, complacency.

Love doe, you were always meant for me.

I miss your endless skies,

our dreams of love and empathy.

I knew it wouldn’t matter when

it was always someone else’s story.

I knew it wouldn’t matter, when

it showed you lost your faith in me.

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