I’m Just Not Visual/Urban Camo
I’m a visual learner, with
Some things at least.
I have eyesight, sometimes–
The pseudotumor almost changed that, but–
All things considered–
I’m just not a very visual person.
I don’t think
How my body looks
Is who I am.
I never have.
I also don’t express myself
With my appearance–
I don’t even like fonts, honestly.
Well
I say that, but–
The people who express themselves
With their appearance
Insist that we are all expressing ourselves with our appearances
I — again
Don’t.
I don’t express myself with my appearance
It’s almost to the point
Where the amount that I don’t care
Is an expression itself.
Masculinity
Is NOT defined by the clothes a man wears.
Everyone knows that.
Being able to exist in the world
As a body
In a plain t shirt
Is a special kind of power and glory
That only men truly get.
Women are always expected to care
About their appearance. Even when
They aren’t allowed to care.
See– in the country
A woman wearing men’s clothing
Is fucking normal.
A woman not wearing makeup,
A woman going hunting
A woman being a fucking natural woman
Is normal.
Even that woman–
Is expected to wear white, and
Be beautiful
On her/their wedding day.
Even the woman
Who gets to brag about
Not caring what she looks like
Is always talking about
What she looks like, and
How she doesn’t care.
Me?
I’m the sort
That doesn’t even fucking talk about it.
I just fucking wear
Whatever the fuck I want to wear, which is
Almost always
A single-color, no brand
Loose fitting t-shirt
With cargo pants.
Sometimes for work I wear
A polo instead.
For me
Walking into the men’s clothing section
Is a relief.
Seeing the neutrals
Seeing the plains
Seeing the clothes that scream
“Don’t pay any attention to me”
Urban camo! Honestly.
The people who
Express themselves with clothing
Are always telling me
That the t-shirts I buy
Each year on black friday
For the whole year, at once–
Spending less than
$200 on clothing for at least
365 days–
They’re always telling me
That all of that
Is some sort of performance of
My aesthetic 🤣
When in reality
I’m just fucking wearing pants.
It’s often not any more complicated than that.
I don’t mean anything by it–
I just wear my cargo pants
And get on with my life.
What I look like
Is no more or less an expression
Of my identity
Than it is an ad
For GAP men’s basics–
Some of us
Express ourselves
In other ways.
Some of us
Aren’t performing anything.