I’m Not Jealous Of Elliot Page

For sure for sure I am a bit jealous

Of a trans person who has enough money

And time and resources

To transition at such a rapid pace, however

I am not jealous of Elliot Page.

For example, I myself–

Used to go by Elliot

For about three months!

Changed my mind

Slowly, as I realized

That I hated having a name

That reminded me of my old one.

My transition has been full of

Mistakes, medical catastrophes, and mind-changes.

Fortunately, most of my problems

Are regardless of the testosterone, however

I feel it’s more than a bit suspicious

That so many things happened so quickly

When my dose was at its highest…

My point here is–

A transition is a process!

It doesn’t have a clear start and finish, it’s

More like making art than it is

Like making dinner.

Sure, paintings and other works of art

Can have accidents happen, scarring the works forever–

Same as bodies, same as sculptures,

People do things they regret, people

Change in ways they least expect.

Life happens to the best of us–

Which is why

I’m not jealous of Elliot Page.

One of the only trans people in the world

Who can’t really change his name.

Who can’t really change his mind, or even

Change his beliefs.

Everything he says and thinks

Is so public, and so picked to pieces–

He’s representing way too much

For way too many people.

It’s kinda the same problem we had

With Ellen DeGeneres– she came out as gay

And then people expect

Much, much more from her than dancing. They expect her

To be some sort of living savior. An example to others–

It doesn’t seem to matter

To anyone that Ellen is a paid actress,

The same way it won’t matter to anyone

That Elliot Page is a paid actor.

Their personal lives

And their business

Are in everyone’s worlds. Which,

To be honest

Sounds like a total fucking curse.

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