Mind Over Matters/Bitter Taste In My Herb
I see now what it is that is easier—
After top surgery.
The sensation, gone
The bounce— lifted
But for me, to describe dysphoria
Is so difficult.
It has been significantly relieved.
The amount of mental energy I used to expend
“Not thinking” about my tits
Is hard for me to comprehend.
I told a friend, I no longer have to spend
All day everyday
Mind over mattering everything.
It’s no longer a test of bravery
To go to the grocery
Or to walk around the neighborhood.
It’s wasn’t even socially exhausting
For me to go to the hotel lobby
With drains dangling out of my fucking shirt
The amount of mental energy I have expended
Mind over mattering
All these years
I am exhausted, I can’t write full
Sentences without asking for a
Return. I am relieved, I am healing
I am learning what I’ve earned
Which unfortunately, also illuminates
Some bitter tastes in the herb.