Mind Over Matters/Bitter Taste In My Herb

I see now what it is that is easier—

After top surgery.

The sensation, gone

The bounce— lifted

But for me, to describe dysphoria

Is so difficult.

It has been significantly relieved.

The amount of mental energy I used to expend

“Not thinking” about my tits

Is hard for me to comprehend.

I told a friend, I no longer have to spend

All day everyday

Mind over mattering everything.

It’s no longer a test of bravery

To go to the grocery

Or to walk around the neighborhood.

It’s wasn’t even socially exhausting

For me to go to the hotel lobby

With drains dangling out of my fucking shirt

The amount of mental energy I have expended

Mind over mattering

All these years

Is unbelievable.

Tremendous.

Exhausting.

Unreal.

I am exhausted, I can’t write full

Sentences without asking for a

Return. I am relieved, I am healing

I am learning what I’ve earned

Which unfortunately, also illuminates

Some bitter tastes in the herb.