Murray Hill/Ideally an Idol But Under My Skin — Why?!?
Drag Kings tho.
I dunno about this it’s like
I think I’m autistic or some shit—
I hate all kinds of drag
If I’m honest.
It’s deceptive and campy and
Too casual for real life talk
I don’t like being a performance
It kinda opens the door
For all the other torments.
I used to think I hated
Ru Paul because it’s so fatphobic but
Murray Hill is in essence
Idol material and yet
I am unnerved and uncomfortable
At the spectacle of a man that
No one sees as a real man.
I feel like for the first time ever
This must be what it’s like to be
A trans woman, and see
All of the shit they do as it really is—
Fucking weird, playing to
The most trivial instincts of the audience
All for single dollar bills hoping
Somebody throws a 20 I just can’t —
My masculinity is my empowerment
I can’t imagine making fun of it, I can’t imagine
Being the only person in the world
Who sees me for who I am. And yet
I’m stuck there all the time.
Perhaps, again— this is just my own self loathing
Rubbing my sideways at the wrong time.