Murray Hill/Ideally an Idol But Under My Skin — Why?!?

Drag Kings tho.

I dunno about this it’s like

I think I’m autistic or some shit—

I hate all kinds of drag

If I’m honest.

It’s deceptive and campy and

Too casual for real life talk

I don’t like being a performance

It kinda opens the door

For all the other torments.

I used to think I hated

Ru Paul because it’s so fatphobic but

Murray Hill is in essence

Idol material and yet

I am unnerved and uncomfortable

At the spectacle of a man that

No one sees as a real man.

I feel like for the first time ever

This must be what it’s like to be

A trans woman, and see

All of the shit they do as it really is—

Fucking weird, playing to

The most trivial instincts of the audience

All for single dollar bills hoping

Somebody throws a 20 I just can’t —

My masculinity is my empowerment

I can’t imagine making fun of it, I can’t imagine

Being the only person in the world

Who sees me for who I am. And yet

I’m stuck there all the time.

Perhaps, again— this is just my own self loathing

Rubbing my sideways at the wrong time.