My 20 Year Plan–FOOLPROOF

I am so delusional.

I have convinced myself that being self-aware of my delusions makes them somehow

less delusional.


My 20 year plan is

in 5 years Become Patti Smith–

5 more years Become Patsy Cline—

5 more years Become Peggy Lee—–

Final 5 years–Ninja Turtle

Final 5? You have zero idea how long I’m gonna last in this corporeal form. Especially after all of that shapeshifting!?! 20 years is a hearty estimate.

Not everyone is supposed to live forever. Some of us lived more than one life at once. Some of shift-shapes. All of this is nunyabusiness.


My final ninja turtle form will be particularly exhausting to manifest. I doubt I will live a full 5 years as a ninja turtle, but who knows, I’ve been working out a lot lately. Exercise is the only thing that helps with the pain. I don’t question it.

My point is, my plan is to transcend reality and become whatever I need to be in order to survive. I believe in this plan 100%. I am very confident in this plan.

I am so fucking confident in my shapeshifting plan, I almost feel delusional about it.


“Becky, you’ve got nothing to worry about!! That’s the best plan I ever heard in my whole fucking life.”–Anybody smart AF

I know, I know. Despite it’s watertight nature, I am feeling a little delusional about “the plan”. What if people don’t like Patti Smith when I’m Patti Smith? What if Peggy Lee was never really that popular? What if I’ve got the same personality disorder my mom has?

Or what if I’m just a talentless loser who’s got no nerve and shits herself/himself/themselves when they think about LITERALLY ANYTHING?

Regardless, the solution is to shapeshift.

I will transform, immediately. Into someone way more useful than this person.

Ya’ll gonna be like, “who dat bish???”

I’ll be like

  1. Patti Smith
  2. Patsy Cline
  3. Peggy Lee
  4. Ninja Turt’



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