Narcissistic Mother
I’ve been having a troublesome time with
Narcissism my whole life, see
My mom has all the telltale signs.
She lies, she exaggerates, she manipulates
She conveniently forgets and is endlessly forgiving
Of herself and no one else, and
When I was a kid it was even worse
Than it is now. I wonder to myself
How could I know something so obvious
So clear for all to see, and yet
Still doubt myself despite the reality?
I guess that’s what love is and I fucking
Hate the way parental love works.
When I was a kid and I had my
Cushings my mom blamed me
And no one else. She would tell me
I was embarrassing her
When we would go out. She would
Hide me and shame me and
We would go to the nutritionist
And the nutritionist would try and say
“You feed her, she’s your responsibility she is
Just a child”
My mom would scream and holler—
“Why are you talking to me about this—
I’m not the one with the weight problem!!!”
And so I had to cook my own meals
If I wanted them healthier, I had to count
My own calories and I was solely responsible
For the results.
As an adult I want to kill her honestly but
I don’t.
I keep blaming myself
Because that’s what you do
When you’re traumatized as a kid—
You blame yourself
Over and over and over again
Because it’s how you were taught
To think.