Narcissistic Mother

I’ve been having a troublesome time with

Narcissism my whole life, see

My mom has all the telltale signs.

She lies, she exaggerates, she manipulates

She conveniently forgets and is endlessly forgiving

Of herself and no one else, and

When I was a kid it was even worse

Than it is now. I wonder to myself

How could I know something so obvious

So clear for all to see, and yet

Still doubt myself despite the reality?

I guess that’s what love is and I fucking

Hate the way parental love works.

When I was a kid and I had my

Cushings my mom blamed me

And no one else. She would tell me

I was embarrassing her

When we would go out. She would

Hide me and shame me and

We would go to the nutritionist

And the nutritionist would try and say

“You feed her, she’s your responsibility she is

Just a child”

My mom would scream and holler—

“Why are you talking to me about this—

I’m not the one with the weight problem!!!”

And so I had to cook my own meals

If I wanted them healthier, I had to count

My own calories and I was solely responsible

For the results.

As an adult I want to kill her honestly but

I don’t.

I keep blaming myself

Because that’s what you do

When you’re traumatized as a kid—

You blame yourself

Over and over and over again

Because it’s how you were taught

To think.