Overshare Alert: I Tried to Make Myself Straight in my Teens

Becky here!

We’ve got a new episode out: We’re taking a critical, cautious look at the feminist porn website “Crash Pad Series

Mad About It is a safe haven for passionate self-expression. The Crash Pad Series is no different; they’re just having a lot more sex than we do here on MAI.

MAI Orgie ‘sode TBD coming soon hahahahahaha I WISHHHHH

Check the episode out, but before you do, I have something to share. Now that I think about it, I have something to overshare.


Do you hate pornography? If you’re anything like me, you have a weird relationship with porn.

When I was young and pubescent (10-16 years of age) I watched porn as an attempt to try and brainwash myself to be heterosexual. I would watch hours and hours and hours of straight porn, hoping that if I exposed myself to it enough I would eventually crave “normal”, straight sex. I would do this in secret, usually in the middle of the night. I did it for about six straight years

Fast-forward to now, my plan has completely backfired. I have not once felt a craving for heteronormative sex. I tried so hard ya’ll


Self-induced straight camp was brutal for adolescent becky. It also, turns out, was pretty bunk science. I gave myself complexes about sex and sexuality, and I gave myself a lot of really weird and long-lasting fetishes. Most of the weirdest, most unwanted fetishes have been phased out by actual, in-person sexual experiences. The cool thing about memories/cravings/habits, is that you can slowly replace them overtime with better things. Things like romantic getaways with your partner where all you do is eat, walk, talk, make love and never sleep. Things that you get to enjoy when you aren’t in your teen’s.

I know thats not what you want to hear. I’m sorry, but please just be patient

If you are a confused individual who is struggling with themselves and looking to pornography for answers, please don’t try to self-brainwash with pornography. It did not help me, and it DID NOT MAKE ME STRAIGHT. Unfortunately nothing can change your sexuality, but you can do a lot to change your perspective on your sexuality. The best thing you can do is to try to find a friend group who loves and accepts you for who you are.

The worst thing you can do is try to make some sort of DIY heteronormative-camp where you’re trying to restructure how you think and feel with brainwash. You will get pregnant, and die. 

Recently I was introduced to the crash pad series pornography site. I have not watched porn since my teens, and I was NOT interested in getting into porn again. This site really changed my opinion about what pornography can be. It also changed my perspective on what mainstream pornography really is.

Need a metaphor?

Mainstream porn is to Crash Pad Series as Sausage Party is to Citizen Kane

I understand that pornography can be startling and upsetting to some, and that they’re just not going to be able to watch it. To everyone else, please check this website out. It really helped validate my sexuality. I have never seen so many beautiful queer people in my life. The representation is incredible: people of all different colors, sizes, genders, sexualities and kinks. Finally, a site that features a full-spectrum beauty; one that mainstream porn whitewashes and erases. They make safe sex very sexy; all of the videos demonstrate safe sex practices in a way that makes you want to emulate them. As a bonus, they have such a legitimately warm, open and downright arousing vibe in all of their sets/videos. Have I mentioned yet that there are more trans people, people of color, and queers than any porn site? It’s as if they have a monopoly on sexy people.

As an Alternative to mainstream pornography, I give you….


The Crash Pad Series is something that I came across as a full-grown non-binary lesbian woman-thing, with an all-time low level of complexes. So, still loads of complexes, but they are diminished-ish. Like I said: age, life experience, and healthy relationships are the best medicine for sexual hangups.

Right, and therapy I guess. Meh.

This website has helped to fix the damage that decades of mainstream, hyper-masculine/misogynist porn has done to me. BeCkY!?!?! #NotAllPorn !!!

Don’t kid yourself, mainstream pornography is a pretty one-sided view of sexuality, at best. I thought I was familiar with the extent of the damage that all that self-brainwash did to me. It wasn’t until I saw porn that didn’t contribute to these problems that I started to recover. There is no such thing as fixing more than a decade’s worth of damage in a few years. Unfortunately you’ve gotta do all sorts of introspective work in order to move on completely. Introspective stuff is exhausting! Not to mention, sometimes it makes it even worse.

Here is the takeaway:

When it comes to pornography, quality matters. If you have a problem with porn, maybe replace that processed porn junk food with gourmet crash pad.

Overthinking combined with pornography addiction can make an already slippery slope pretty dangerously slick. Crash Pad Series helped me stop overthinking my desires. It helped me stop questioning what was “normal” and what wasn’t. It helped me realize that while not all pornography is for me, some of it sure is. It’s much more than just videos of queer people of all shapes, sizes and colors making each other cum 100x; it’s a website dedicated to validating and authenticating queer sexuality.

Watching queer people do things that you’ve never seen anywhere else is a very empowering experience. I have had a profound change in my sex life since being introduced to this site. I am less inhibited, more verbal, and less intimidated by the unknown. I have to contribute this to the unknown becoming known! Crash Pad Series introduced me to queer sexuality in it’s rawest, most unapologetic form.

Not to mention that the queer and trans people of color representation is not problematic, as it oftenis in mainstream porn. 

Before this site I thought the sex scene in Desert Hearts was the most realistic queer sex scene in media. Now, that sounds ridiculous.

All of the scenes are so hot.

All of the movies are so hot.

All of the porn stars are SO FUCKING HOT

Why are they hot? Because they are real. These people aren’t some made-up, plastic humanoid thing who can’t find her own goddamn clitoris.

Also there aren’t any banner ads, any pop-ups, and you won’t get a virus from using the site.

I’m serious, no viruses. No unwarranted dicks popping up on your screen. No embarrassing search histories. None of the inconveniences of internet pornography.

Plus there is a huge potential self esteem and sexual empowerment bonus. I don’t know many websites that give you this much lust for life.

Crash Pad Series Link

Pink and White Productions

Pink Label On-Demand Services

Heavenly Spire Masculine Sensuality

Point of Contact source of Emerging Pornographers

Complete Feminist Porn Award Winners

 Click Here


Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Subscribe to the Blog

Subscribe Here!

Join 526 other subscribers


Blog Posts

Follow me on Twitter

%d bloggers like this: