I know that
Race has a lot of
Parallels with the
Queer experience, but I would never
Be so presumptuous
As to say that they are the
Same, or even vaguely similar–
With race, you can’t hide
You can’t be ambiguous
Your race isn’t fluid
Your race doesn’t evolve or change over time with your perspective
Like race, queerness isn’t a choice–
But, unlike queerness, you have a clear
Heritage. You can be
Proud of who you are, your family–
What you’ve worked through and
Who your ancestors were. For me, I am
Unsure of my heritage, english and french?
My relatives are all poor farmers and our records only go back
60 years, I am just a
A lonely white queer with a pride parade that
Isn’t for her, and a community that isn’t for them, and a
Machismo world that isn’t for him.
I’m not complaining!
Hold the phone!
I’m a queer them in America and there has
Never, ever been a better time to be me–
I’m just saying that I can’t bond
With my grandma over being trans, or
Loving women. I can, however–get advice from my
Trumping deadbeat uncles shitty life, watching him impregnate
Half of central ohio to prove to his daddy that
Condoms are the devil! I’m not proud of him, and
He’s not proud of me. We are not connected in any way shape or form
By our experiences. He would see my life as a
Choice, misguided, the same way I see his.
I have received advice from my grandparents about
How welfare is evil even though they
Live on it, and how people just want an
Easy way out, even though it’s just their
Dozens of illegitimate out-of-wedlock grandkids
Who were brought into this world
With no clear plan.
I can’t bond with any of them, they all
Are brainwashed by what they think
They are expected to be. They also all
Across the board are afraid of me, I have always been
Quiet, pensive and masculine, clearly
Thinking and clearly not idle, clearly
Not going to grow up to be a
Nice christian girl.
Race is not anything like being queer–
But I can understand why someone might
Wear a mask for some, and
Take it off for others.
My issue is that my mask
Has been on so long, I sometimes forget
I’m wearing one.