Peace Of Mind/Mind In Pieces/Pieces Of Flesh/Pounding Presumptions

One of the “gender therapists”

I saw

Tried to tell me

That all of my problems

Would be fixed if I simply

Lost weight.

As if I hadn’t already heard that

From doctors, friends, family, teachers

Media, books, medical journals—

I tried to explain to her

That I’ve already done

Everything anyone can do

With degrees of success

And she wanted

To focus on that—

The success !

What did I do

To have success…


For one—

I wasn’t seeing a therapist …!

Or a nutritionist

The time in my life where I had

The most success with weight loss

Was when I was by myself

Mirror less

At an outdoor music school

Where I didn’t have to

Cook for myself, or even

Talk to anyone else.

All I did was walk,

Eat three huge meals a day

Play basketball

And enjoy the positivity

Of being good at something, and

Of not being trolled, not being

Monitored— not counting

Anything and not

Looking inward.

I just got to exist

Like a thin person !

No extra attention

Was called to my weight

And the moment

Someone did

I stopped losing.

Then it became

An inward game

Of outside perspective

Vs my peace and solitude

No one

Who hasn’t had

More than 100lbs to lose

Knows what it is like

To have your peace of mind fucked

Over and over and over again

By everyone you know and love

Since you were eight years old

And presumably—

Until your dead —

Now that Instagram is such a thing

I doubt anyone

Can truly claim

Peace of mind with all of these

Presumptions pounding

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