I dunno man.
There’s the testosterone, there’s
Top surgery, there’s
Weightlifting, clothing, voice training–
All the things you can do
To try and blend in as a man–
What does any of it have to do
With identity, besides the overwhelming
Rightness I’m feeling.
At the end of the day
I feel exactly the same, just
When I talk to other people
It’s a world of difference.
Sometimes it hurts and sometimes
It’s pure ecstasy and yet
The idea that gender is a socialization
Is offensive to those who don’t want
Gender involved in their socialization.
In my experience
The only part of transitioning
That is unique to being trans
Is the dramatic socialization change —
Surgery was not as intense
As a night and day difference
From living as a woman. I think perhaps
Everyone is right, and no one is wrong
But to blame transphobia
For all of your struggles
Is to call the kettle black, with a pot belly
Full of hot air and garbage
Nonbinary erasure, much like
Is an environmental problem.
What is, can be erased
Unless that’s not really what’s bothering you…
When you look in a mirror
Sometimes you see dirt on your face, and
It’s up to you to clean it,
If you scrub and scrub and scrub
Trying to get the dirt off
But there is none– you’ve got
Something else on your mind, I bet– bud.
Since when does it matter
If everyone respects your identity, ain’t nobody respect
Fucking anybody. When you think about it
For more than a second, it becomes a blessing
Not an insult.
That being said, if you’re spending time
With misgendering, transphobic, pitying judgmental assholes
Being alone is always going to be better than that,
Just make sure it’s not yourself.