I was reflecting on the podcast
And it’s many flaws, and I realized
A huge gap from where most of my
The multitude of problems
The queer community comes with
Not just societal, not just a reaction—
But ones that are becoming conflated with
All of what I’m dealing with.
The problem of being mad about it.
You can’t complain, if you chose it for yourself
And no matter how many plots they make
Queer-baited, most people still see queerness
As a personal choice, instead of a truth lived.
As if living god’s truth is somehow braver
Than accepting your own, at face value.
No matter who I am, no matter how far I go
From who I used to be, I am forever
The irrational one, the one that has the problem
I am problematic, inherently
As is the podcast, as is art, as is society.
I am made of problems
The same way you are, the same rate
At which you solve them, I am solving my own—
I find it scrupulous to insist I’m not where I should be—
When you’re not even halfway home!
I could be on the wrong path, I could have
Misunderstood everything up until this point
I could make a grave mistake I shouldn’t have
And I wouldn’t have the chance to say
Anything about it, because no matter what perspective
I am mad, deluded, angry and obtuse
Permanently scarred from years of abuse
If I say one word about anything I am
The problem. I need to rise above the scars
From yesterday and the ones I scheduled
I can’t say a word, other than
And I’m mad about that, same way
I assume y’all are, same way
Anyone feels when the whole world is