“Progressive”/Consequence/Socially Valuable/Hiding vs Hidden

It’s always more appealing

To live in the ideal

Than it is

To live in the reality.

That’s why,

Personally

I find it hard to understand

The urgency, the priority of

Queer identities

That don’t have an application

To daily lives, daily realities—

Identities such as

Identifying as non-binary

Purely as a theorem,

Without ever having lived

A moment non-conforming—

To cross dress, mix-express

Or change your gender or sex

In any real-time way.

This same ideology forces people

To prematurely commit to things they later regret

However

It also enables

People who don’t walk the walk

To talk the talk—

And unfortunately

Due to our societies biases

The “trans voices”

They are the most comfortable hearing

Are ones that fit their idea

Of an attractive, ideal queer body

Which, in turn

Is honestly—

A heteronormative cisgender body.

That irony is not lost in me

But it does seem to be

Completely lost on

All of the straight cisgender folks

Appropriating queer identity

In the name of “allyship”

Not realizing that

The insincerity of it all

Is a double edged sword,

Carving out a place

Where a trans face could be

And instead

Putting a more palatable,

“Progressive” choice

On display.

Who knew

There were no fat trans people,

No ugly trans people—

Who knew

That there were only two kinds

Of trans folk—

The black trans women being murdered,

And the cisnormative allies

Preaching to me about how

Healthy and without consequence

The HRT their friend takes is—

Even my endocrinologist

Insists there are no consequences, and

In the very next breath

She explains that what I’m experiencing

Are “common side effects”

Lmfao what counts as a consequence?!?

Will it be a consequence when I’m dead, or

Will y’all just focus on something else

And blame that?

Lmfao I already know, I’ve always known!

The doctor told me

When I was six

That if I didn’t lose weight soon,

I would die any minute.

Still waiting …!

But what I really learned

Right then and there

Was that I could be hit by a truck

Or a plane

Or a meteor

And people would say

My heart gave out

“From da obesity”.

If you’re femme as fuck,

All the time

Day and night —

When does your masculine side

Need to come into the light?

Don’t you think

You could be doing something

More relevant to your perspective?

Why is it that

People have an easier time

Using the right pronouns

For someone they deem

Socially valuable?

What is it about

Pre-HRT bodies

Bodies like

Ash Hardell

Bodies like

Alok Vaid-Menon

That make people tune in…?

Is it the budget, or is it

That they don’t look like sin?

Why don’t people even fucking notice

That trans discrimination

Peaks when people’s bodies don’t fit in

Which, for me at least

And for Caitlyn Jenner

And for Chaz Bono

For the faces of celebrity trans folk

Who are ridiculed by the public

For any other guy out there

Who has to pick up his prescriptions

With fat tits, a beard, and two names—

Personally, the trans experience

Started when I stopped being able to hide it.


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