Hands down

The weirdest, most embarrassing

Most mind boggling


Humiliating thing about the first time

My heart was broken–

Was how attractive my girlfriend was

To most all the guys she was blowing.

But to me

Even when we were happy

She was hideously grotesque

Despite how unbelievably


Conventionally sexy she was

She was always so

Pungent, in a way that

Doesn’t get me going, at all.

Oh man, how

Repulsive she was to me.

I was so heartbroken

When she left!


Perspective is key, I suppose.

I used to think I didn’t have a type

But now I know my qualifications a little more


I’ve not gotten more shallow–

Rather much, much less.

Anything that reminds me of her

Is on the “do-not-call” list

My current GF has a similar list, I think

She doesn’t really keep a list, but

She has dropped some hints.

For example,

If I play a lot of video games

She flips a shit and starts to think

I’m gonna start being like him

Some stranger I don’t know

Who I don’t resemble

Hahah, well

He kinda resembled me

I came first,

But not with her, or course

Ladies first is an important personal motto

I never come until my lady has blown her load



We have been mixing sex metaphors lately

It’s been

Hilarious, to me.



Ain’t nobody

Got any semen round these parts

We’d call the cops, sooner


My girlfriend hates it when I

Remind her of her ex

Even though he is some random

Guy I ain’t never met.

She is nothing like my ex,

So we don’t have issues the other way.

But sometimes

I meet people

That I’m not fucking

That remind me of her

And I still hate them

Way more than they deserve.

Jesus Christ

Why is my brain, so evil

And so selfish?

Why can’t I just

Like people as


Maybe because

I have not been allowed to be

Authentically me

So I am enraged

By anyone who is at ease

My ex was very at ease

In a repulsive sort of way

She made me think she was better

Than everyone on earth, oh man, lady–




Tremendously bad.

I guess the only thing that matters

Is growing

Learning, and


She made such fantastic

Manure for me to grow in

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