Scriptless Script for Screenless Play for Performances Only In My Head

Here I am again

Laughing my ass off at another

Fantastic scriptless script–

For a screenless play

For a theater performance that is

Only in my head–

Picture this–

Classical music horror, conductor

Is a massive narcissist hard ass idiot

*cough cough all of them*

Who is relentlessly belittling, harassing

Verbally abusing and emotionally manipulating

The orchestra musicians in rehearsal, and then

Cutting their pay, delaying their checks, embezzling

Bedazzling, whatever you wanna call it–

Drinking and driving and conducting the ensemble

Right off a cliff, until

One of the violists —


Forms an organization

In the ensemble, at night

In secret, of all the

Assistants, the seconds, the

Odd instruments, feeling extra-down, extra-out

All the conductor’s favorite targets

They get together

And they insist

That they must act, they must knock

This conductor down a few pegs. They consult with

An outside hitman, who says

Any kind of physical attack, will draw

Unnecessary attention

They can’t risk it, none of them want to go

To prison, so instead–

They hire someone a bit

Supernatural, who curses the conductor

With the feeling of hot tar

Pouring from their pores only

During concerts. Morphing, changing

Unable to break course, unable to change until finally

He rips his clothes of in delirious fervor

Convinced he is being scaled with hot tar

And rolled in feathers, all while hearing

“Do it again, but better!!”–

His catch phrase, the very thing

He built his career off of, the backs of others–

Tar and feather

Do it again, but better!!

I guess one ending could be with

The conductor’s career in tatters

And the orchestra decides to go


Alternatively they could all just

Experience the same punishment

Now that they crossed the line

Or perhaps

The last scene is

The conductor, penniless

Driven mad by the feeling

Of the tar on his skin, much like

The anxiety he was spreading,

Not unlike the curse he was given.

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