Second Puberty

I might’ve been born

A woman, but it was society that

Castrated me.

My trans sisters talk about their experiences

Being shamed for being female, but

I find myself jealous of their confidence

Of their strength, of their resillience

The strength of will for which I was broken

The standards put on women by my

Conservative upbringing broke my

Confidence, my self-image, my self-esteem

Nobody cared about anything I had to say, nobody

Asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up

Or where I wanted to go to college

Only who I liked, and who’d I want

To marry.

Nobody taught me how to fix a car, or

Go fishing– and I wasn’t in fucking robotics.

I demanded everything I had

And felt grateful, indebted, and worked hard.

My male friends were cheesy, breathed

Deeply, and laughed easily.

I try to play catchup now as a

Thirty year old infant of a man

Learning how to walk again, learning

How to talk, learning how to be stoic

Numb, focused, real respectable man

Trying to pretend

As if my self-esteem problem

Is something I have to get over

As if I’m not going through puberty again

I was overcorrected, shamed, belittled

Ignored and disrespected, and when I

Came of age I was not treated like

A boy burgeoning on manhood, but a

Girl bordering on insanity, worried about her

Mental clarity. I think I’d rather

Be angry than at peace when I can

See the difference between where I am

And where I want to be.

2 Replies to “Second Puberty”

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Subscribe to the Blog

Subscribe Here!

Join 520 other subscribers


Blog Posts

Follow me on Twitter

%d bloggers like this: