The Best Ally I’ve Ever Met
I suppose it is my own naivety
That I expected
The trans community
To understand the importance
Of loving and respecting one another’s bodies
Regardless of the way they manifest
In the world, physically.
Makes sense, right?
Trans people were born in a way
They resented enough to change—
Unfortunately that is the narrative
I suppose this belief
Has nothing to do with my original hypothesis
But for me
As a queer person
As a guncle
As a fat tranny weirdo—
I would like to make it clear
That my body, and all of its
Many, many desirabilities
Is not trans out of spite—
Is not trans out of self-loathing
My body is trans out of
Radical self-love that is all encompassing.
I had to be able to look her in the eye and say
“I know you’re in there buddy”
And fucking make it happen
Despite all of the heckling, belittling,
All the discrimination all of the
Reduction of my experience into
Some person they don’t even know
Isn’t even there— isn’t even listening.
I did all of that
Out of self–love
Not rage, I did all of this
Out of self-respect
I find the most outrageous
Most offensive, most reductive trans people
On the internet
To be lacking entirely in
Self-respect, instead demanding it
From everyone else
As if somehow that will ever work—
It will not.
Ditch everyone who treats you like shit.
To all transphobe texts
Stop hanging out with that friend
Who negs you the best—
And then you’ll see
Whether you hate yourself
Or if it was everyone else.
Personally— the lonelier I get
The happier I am
Not because of my transness, but because
Of my fat body.
Between the fat
And the gender shit—
I am my own best ally —
I suggest that for anyone
No one knows you the way
You do, nobody’s been there
Longer— don’t let some outsider
Talk you into ignoring
The loudest and most passionate parts
Of your internal dialogue—
Oftentimes that shit is a more of a
List of instructions than it is
An anxious sloppy monologue.
If you can’t love yourself —
You will be taken advantage of
By everyone else.