The Best Ally I’ve Ever Met

I suppose it is my own naivety

That I expected

The trans community

To understand the importance

Of loving and respecting one another’s bodies

Regardless of the way they manifest

In the world, physically.

Makes sense, right?

Trans people were born in a way

They resented enough to change—

Unfortunately that is the narrative

Many exclaim.

I suppose this belief

Has nothing to do with my original hypothesis

But for me

As a queer person

As a guncle

As a fat tranny weirdo—

I would like to make it clear

That my body, and all of its

Many, many desirabilities

Is not trans out of spite—

Is not trans out of self-loathing

My body is trans out of

Radical self-love that is all encompassing.

I had to be able to look her in the eye and say

“I know you’re in there buddy”

And fucking make it happen

Despite all of the heckling, belittling,

All the discrimination all of the

Reduction of my experience into

Some person they don’t even know

Isn’t even there— isn’t even listening.

I did all of that

Out of selflove

Not hate

Not anger

Not rage, I did all of this

Out of self-respect

And personally

I find the most outrageous

Most offensive, most reductive trans people

On the internet

To be lacking entirely in

Self-respect, instead demanding it

From everyone else

As if somehow that will ever work—

It will not.

Ditch everyone who treats you like shit.

Stop responding

To all transphobe texts

Stop hanging out with that friend

Who negs you the best—

And then you’ll see

Whether you hate yourself

Or if it was everyone else.

Personally— the lonelier I get

The happier I am

Not because of my transness, but because

Of my fat body.

Between the fat

And the gender shit—

I am my own best ally —

I suggest that for anyone

No one knows you the way

You do, nobody’s been there

Longer— don’t let some outsider

Talk you into ignoring

The loudest and most passionate parts

Of your internal dialogue—

Oftentimes that shit is a more of a

List of instructions than it is

An anxious sloppy monologue.

If you can’t love yourself —

You will be taken advantage of

By everyone else.

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