The Counting of Becky’s Crisco

I read Alexander Dumas

At a very influential time in my life.

We were only supposed to do

A report

For summer reading.

I prepared–extremely thoroughly

I read it and read it and read it

As if there was something waiting for me

But alas !

We didn’t even have to write a paper

It stuck with me, anyway

The biggest takeaway, I remember

Is that you can only be as happy

As you are miserable

So I think

That means

I’ve got

The most incredible, most magnificent

Most wonderful life in store

I am all set up

For the greatest things

Ever, to happen to me.

I am so excited !!!

Fuck, yes!!!

I will be exuberantly rewarded

For all my suffering

I am so exhilarated

Just thinking about it

I will be a magnanimous beam,

A ray of pure light

People will be

“Glad they knew me”

“Glad we met” and

“Inspired” by my radiance

I will be the happiest

Little cunt

On earth, I think.

In the meantime

I’ve got about

20-30 more years of misery and debt

With no end in sight

I am so excited, however

For my grande finale

Retirement will come to me

And keep coming. And coming. And coming.

Retirement will be

Daily multiple orgasms

Long walks on the beach

Fancy seafood dinners

Fresh eggs

Homegrown vegetables and

Homemade dildos

I am




for when the misery is over

And I get to get out of jail,

I’ll finally get to see

What all this toiling was for–

I will get to be free!!

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