The Sort Of Poem That Makes Me Lose Followers…/A World Of Difference
This is under the category of
Poems that shouldn’t be published
So if you don’t want to be mad
Just fucking ignore this one.
I’ve reached the point in my life
Perhaps it is a point in transition, but it is
A point in my life and in my transition
Where I cannot deny
That cisgender gay men and the occasional straight woman
Are the only people I talk to
As an out trans man
That treat me like a woman.
I find it really offputting
I don’t hear any other trans guys talking about it
But I do see a lot of the same conversations
Happening in fat gay spaces
So either, gay men are so fatphobic
That they can’t even respect gay men who were
Born men who are also fat, or
Gay men are so fatphobic
That they can’t even respect someone who was born a woman
And had to walk their body all the way to the other side–
A feat that most would be admiring, and yet
For the average self-loathing cis gay man
They are so shallow, so dense, so self-obsessed
They think people’s worth is plainly illustrated on instagram
and dollars and cents.
People think it’s a generational thing
And yeah, I think it’s worse in the younger folks
But it’s just something in the way your fucking brain is set
I don’t know if it’s social media or what
But I suspect
That gay men
In fucking ancient egypt
Were jealously complaining about
Whatever girl’s fat ass and titties–
Shaming her for having what he wishes he had
The way they do nowadays all over the internet
Gay guys couldn’t even have WAP out for a week
Before they made a gay parody
Your butt shouldn’t be that wet, naturally at least
If it is, like… I’d be concerned. Seriously.
I also can’t help but notice
How common it is for someone
To identify as a gay man, transition
And never go back to that life. Ever again.
I’m feeling the same way about being a lesbian.
I of course still appreciate lesbian everything, but I don’t really
Live and breathe it so fully. I don’t really care that much anymore
I’m kinda shamelessly into all the stuff I used to hate myself for
So much has changed since I started hormones, and
I think it’s telling that the people who treat me
Exactly the same
Are always gay men.
To me the only way I can make sense of it
Is that they wish they were women, and they think
Nothing could ever change that. So they
Want to punish me for thinking
I could be a man, and for all the things
They had to go through that they wish they hadn’t
Maybe I’m spitballing but
I felt all of those exact same feelings
Before I transitioned.
Before you write it in the comments–
Not all gay men are like this
But as a butch lesbian who was constantly being made fun of
For wishing she was a man
I am genuinely happier now that I am one
So why are the only people
Raining on my parade, the gay guys
Who never, ever get told that they
Wish they were women. Why do I feel like
I have to write a poem about it
Just in case a reasonable one reads it
And eventually accepts herself and comes to terms
With the fact that not everyone sees their manhood,
Their testosterone, their masculine features
As a burden or a curse. Some of us
Hate being born princesses, some of us
Enjoy being men.
If you can’t decide, if you love
Some things and not others
If you’re trapped between a world of
Joy and angst and you can’t tell
Which way to go, just identify as
Genderqueer, nonbinary, genderfluid
Something that fits your description
Express those parts of yourself without judgement
And if your friends make you feel shitty about it–
Get new ones.
Don’t misunderstand this poem as a guillotine for eggs to become
Binary cogs in a machine, I’m just emphasizing
That not everyone hates their masculinity.
It’s not normal and healthy to hate being a man.
It wasn’t normal or healthy for me to hate being a woman.
The cause and the cure might not be the same, but
If you’re convinced it won’t matter, I beg to differ–
It makes a world of difference.