The Sort Of Poem That Makes Me Lose Followers…/A World Of Difference

This is under the category of

Poems that shouldn’t be published

So if you don’t want to be mad

Or upset

Just fucking ignore this one.

I’ve reached the point in my life

Perhaps it is a point in transition, but it is

A point in my life and in my transition

Where I cannot deny

That cisgender gay men and the occasional straight woman

Are the only people I talk to

As an out trans man

That treat me like a woman.

I find it really offputting

I don’t hear any other trans guys talking about it

But I do see a lot of the same conversations

Happening in fat gay spaces

So either, gay men are so fatphobic

That they can’t even respect gay men who were

Born men who are also fat, or

Gay men are so fatphobic

That they can’t even respect someone who was born a woman

And had to walk their body all the way to the other side–

A feat that most would be admiring, and yet

For the average self-loathing cis gay man

They are so shallow, so dense, so self-obsessed

They think people’s worth is plainly illustrated on instagram

and dollars and cents.

People think it’s a generational thing

And yeah, I think it’s worse in the younger folks

But it’s just something in the way your fucking brain is set

I don’t know if it’s social media or what

But I suspect

That gay men

In fucking ancient egypt

Were jealously complaining about

Whatever girl’s fat ass and titties–

Shaming her for having what he wishes he had

The way they do nowadays all over the internet

Gay guys couldn’t even have WAP out for a week

Before they made a gay parody

Like– ya’ll

Your butt shouldn’t be that wet, naturally at least

If it is, like… I’d be concerned. Seriously.

I also can’t help but notice

How common it is for someone

To identify as a gay man, transition

And never go back to that life. Ever again.

I’m feeling the same way about being a lesbian.

I of course still appreciate lesbian everything, but I don’t really

Live and breathe it so fully. I don’t really care that much anymore

I’m kinda shamelessly into all the stuff I used to hate myself for

So much has changed since I started hormones, and

I think it’s telling that the people who treat me

Exactly the same

Are always gay men.

To me the only way I can make sense of it

Is that they wish they were women, and they think

Nothing could ever change that. So they

Want to punish me for thinking

I could be a man, and for all the things

They had to go through that they wish they hadn’t

Maybe I’m spitballing but

I felt all of those exact same feelings

Before I transitioned.

Before you write it in the comments–

I know–

Not all gay men are like this

But as a butch lesbian who was constantly being made fun of

For wishing she was a man

I am genuinely happier now that I am one

So why are the only people

Raining on my parade, the gay guys

Who never, ever get told that they

Wish they were women. Why do I feel like

I have to write a poem about it

Just in case a reasonable one reads it

And eventually accepts herself and comes to terms

With the fact that not everyone sees their manhood,

Their testosterone, their masculine features

As a burden or a curse. Some of us

Hate being born princesses, some of us

Enjoy being men.

If you can’t decide, if you love

Some things and not others

If you’re trapped between a world of

Joy and angst and you can’t tell

Which way to go, just identify as

Genderqueer, nonbinary, genderfluid

Something that fits your description

Express those parts of yourself without judgement

And if your friends make you feel shitty about it–

Get new ones.

Don’t misunderstand this poem as a guillotine for eggs to become

Binary cogs in a machine, I’m just emphasizing

That not everyone hates their masculinity.

It’s not normal and healthy to hate being a man.

It wasn’t normal or healthy for me to hate being a woman.

The cause and the cure might not be the same, but

If you’re convinced it won’t matter, I beg to differ–

It makes a world of difference.

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