The Worst “Drag Show” I’ve Ever Seen/Pizza and I
I will never forget
The time I went to
The worse drag show I’ve ever seen
Some fucking dumb bitch named “Saltine”
Because she’s thin and white
And started dressing up and going out at night
Around the same time as Ms Cracker, honestly–
Anyway this person is not talented, or successful at all
This person is just a narcissistic trust fund baby
Living in Chicago on their
Rich, East Coast parent’s money
Doing a series of long, 2-3 hour improv shows
Where he is the only star, he asks
Random friends to come up and help him
But the jokes were not funny, and the sketches
Were not intelligible, and most of all
There was a piece of pizza
Sitting in the room
The entire time.
The thin, white and flaky person
Brought dinner, but
Put it on a chair, and never ate it
From my perspective, this piece of pizza–
Was an active audience member.
Or perhaps– a prop, a part of the show?
This “drag queen” if you will call them that–
C-rate theater school dropout with serious mental disorders
Had very little talent to help them through the evening
Which is why, I suppose
He needed a piece of Whole Foods vegetarian pizza–
For emotional support.
Anyway, the pizza–
The pizza sat through the whole dang show
Just like I did
Me and pizza– we did our best to be supportive–
I was there with a friend, who was “friends” with this
Walking, breathing narcissistic eating disorder
We sat through the whole dang performance
Of nothing, and then
At the end
The real performance started–
Saltine proceeded to announce to the room
That if anyone wanted the pizza
He brought for dinner–
They can have it.
*he sneered, of course*
He definitely didn’t want it
Food is disgusting, after all
Food is what makes people like him
Look like people like me
And pizza and I both knew
We weren’t welcome at this venue
I think some
Petite lady who showed her music video
That was honestly, all things considered
100000x better than anything else that happened that evening
Ate the pizza
And in that moment
I realized
Pizza and I
Were hanging out with the wrong people.