This Is My Breakup Piece With The Queer Community/Nonbinary Identity/Neopronouns/Othering/On Your Own Terms/Vogue Barnum and Bailey
I identify more as nonbinary each day that I exist in this world.
It is becoming a fundamental part of how I view
Gender and sexuality.
I also grow to resent they/them and neopronouns like xi/xir
More than I ever have, as
In practice, I find them
I don’t want to stand out as special, or different
In any way, I identify as nonbinary
Because of the ways in which we are all
I don’t understand how unbelievably out of hand
This game of telephone has gotten in the media
On TV, on the internet and with
Other blogs and other “personal brand businesses”.
I do not believe in microdosing– as the full strength dose I take
–Is the one many internet providers say is a microdose.
I do not believe it’s possible to control the effects of your HRT–
At any dose.
I do not believe in presenting as
Both, neither, or whatever you believe in–
Not because of what you experience–
Not because of how you feel, how you express yourself–
But because in the world I live in, in my lived experience–
How I am perceived is
Completely out of my hands!!!!!!!!!!!!
My health, however, is not.
It is my responsibility, and
That alone is why I advocate for
Going to the doctor, and listening.
Do you feel like both genders?
So do most people, sorry. Honestly
I have never met anyone who feels
100% tied to the gender they were born as–
It’s like a name–
Something you were given.
Something assigned to you,
An assigned gender that you change
To be perceived differently
Is called being transgender.
If a tree in the forest
Identifies as nonbinary and uses
They/them pronouns– are they
Still a tree, or are they now
A woke, hip tree with an instagram account?
Lmfao my bad I enjoy my own bad jokes
More than anyone else.
I don’t mean to offend I mean to be real
I don’t understand why it is
That thin, pretty, tik tok and instagrammers
With brightly colored hair
Look more nonbinary than
The guy with no hair and a beard.
That motherfucker almost certainly didn’t choose
To have hair loss, the same way
Many trans women do not–
Does that make him less nonbinary somehow…??
What about a bald trans man who
Makes peace with the feminine in him by
Giving it space to live, thrive and grow–
Does he have to be soft, does he have to be seen as
Weak, effeminate, or gay or can we just
Let him be a man with delicate sensibilities, the way
So many other straight cis men deemed highly desirable get to be.
When it comes down to it, I see
A whole lot of sexism, transphobia, fatphobia and hypocrisy in the queer community.
More than anyone ever wants to admit to.
For whatever reason, instead of acknowleding
Your inner demons, you get to wrap it up as
Gender dysphoria, homophobia, transphobia–
Anything that makes you feel queasy.
Instead of saying–
“Hey, maybe my occasional desire to look more the other gender
Without losing the way that I already look as this gender
Or any of the privileges that go along with
This gender’s set– says more about me than I am willing
To reflect upon. Anyone that makes me feel insecure
About whether or not I am trans–
Is a transphobe”
Perhaps the only reason I’m being a dick is because
AFAB enbies are the only ones
Who are allowed to play these cards.
And if you’re Alok Vaid-Menon– well–
You’ve got to be expressing your feminine
Otherwise you aren’t really nonbinary.
If the amab doesn’t wear a dress are they even
No one chooses the way their gender presents naturally.
HRT, like it or not, is a natural biological phenomenon
Brought on my medical intervention. You will experience
Changes, side-effects, and things you don’t expect.
You will not be able to dial it in in order to look a certain way
Are you miserable day in day out
With the body that god gave you?
Or are you miserable day in day out
With how people treat you–
This is my beef, this is my
Break up piece, with the queer community.
I can’t sit here and go along and pretend as if somehow
The shallowest, most superficial, most performative and
Physically expressive trans people are the happiest–
The freest somehow from their gender dysphoria–
What an elaborate and horrible lie to tell,
That I see plastered fucking everywhere.
Like depression, anxiety– when a
Pretty thin white person talks about their gender dysphoria
No matter what their identity–
They are met with a significantly different response
Than a black, brown, fat or disabled body.
Changing your body is only a small piece of the puzzle–
Changing how you are perceived by others
Is not something you can control much, unfortunately.
So– what is my problem exactly?
Stop equating trans identity with
Visible gender performance.
Not all of us want to be
Visible in whatever way
You decide is representation for
“The community” lmfao
I identify as nonbinary, not
Vogue Barnum and Bailey.
You don’t have to be anything, or look
Any sort of way, or have any sort of
Fashion sense, in order to be trans.
You just have to know it,
On your own terms.