Transition Timeline/”On Schedule”

The whole

“All of the changes happen

In the first few years and

Everything else mellows out from there–“

I think that depends on who you are,

Your genetics, your health,

The dose you’re on as well as

The method in which it is absorbed.

The first year I was on t I was

A pimpled, hormonal, expanding

Diseased mess who had

A whole lot of side effects to deal with

And whenever I went to the doctor and asked

“is this from my HRT?”

They’d say

Absolutely not!! But–

We don’t really know yet, honestly.

Lmfao k thx COOL GUYS

Anyway I’m coming up on

Two years? Three years? I don’t even fucking remember

What I know is that

I am experiencing changes

To this day

With every dose I take

Much the same way

Time takes it’s toll on those

Who wait, testosterone

Is a change agent.

The narrative I see on the internet

Of “this is my x day on t–

My changes are done I am at peace

Transitioning–“

I don’t fucking know what that fucking means

I change every single day, because

I work towards it, and I achieve

One step closer to inner peace–

I think some people

In an attempt to “feel cis”, to prove to themselves

And others

That they are strong, that they can overcome

That they love the way they look and that

Everything they love about themselves they chose–

Any kind of dysphoria or self-doubt

They convince themselves that

They have total control over all of it, and that

It’s all running “on schedule”

Whatever the fuck that is.

If my transition had a schedule–

Like a train, something reliable

I’d be lopped off the tracks, flipped over

Getting robbed by bandits. This train

Ain’t never pulling into the station because

I decided to fly, instead.

Flying gives me more flexibility

Gives me more time, and gives me

More room in my head

For all the turbulence.

I am not expecting anything

From my hormones, I am not expecting

Anything, from my surgery I am not

Satisfied, or disappointed–

I am just experiencing.

Each dose I take I become more like the man

I’ve always wanted to be, and

I’d be lying if I said

I had any idea what he should or shouldn’t look like–

It’s just not up to me.


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