Transition Timeline/”On Schedule”
“All of the changes happen
In the first few years and
Everything else mellows out from there–“
I think that depends on who you are,
Your genetics, your health,
The dose you’re on as well as
The method in which it is absorbed.
The first year I was on t I was
A pimpled, hormonal, expanding
Diseased mess who had
A whole lot of side effects to deal with
And whenever I went to the doctor and asked
“is this from my HRT?”
Absolutely not!! But–
We don’t really know yet, honestly.
Lmfao k thx COOL GUYS
Anyway I’m coming up on
Two years? Three years? I don’t even fucking remember
What I know is that
I am experiencing changes
To this day
With every dose I take
Much the same way
Time takes it’s toll on those
Who wait, testosterone
Is a change agent.
The narrative I see on the internet
Of “this is my x day on t–
My changes are done I am at peace
I don’t fucking know what that fucking means
I change every single day, because
I work towards it, and I achieve
One step closer to inner peace–
I think some people
In an attempt to “feel cis”, to prove to themselves
That they are strong, that they can overcome
That they love the way they look and that
Everything they love about themselves they chose–
Any kind of dysphoria or self-doubt
They convince themselves that
They have total control over all of it, and that
It’s all running “on schedule”
Whatever the fuck that is.
If my transition had a schedule–
Like a train, something reliable
I’d be lopped off the tracks, flipped over
Getting robbed by bandits. This train
Ain’t never pulling into the station because
I decided to fly, instead.
Flying gives me more flexibility
Gives me more time, and gives me
More room in my head
For all the turbulence.
I am not expecting anything
From my hormones, I am not expecting
Anything, from my surgery I am not
Satisfied, or disappointed–
I am just experiencing.
Each dose I take I become more like the man
I’ve always wanted to be, and
I’d be lying if I said
I had any idea what he should or shouldn’t look like–
It’s just not up to me.