“What Do You Think About People Who Only Eat For Nutritional Value?”

One time a friend of mine asked me

“What do you think

About people who only eat

For nutritional value?”

I was stumped, honestly.

I didn’t know how to respond, so I just told her

“Like Soylent green? That shit is

Bad for your soul, didn’t you see?”

But what I really meant to say


What do you think

I am doing?

Eating for sport? Like Matt Stonie?

Or eating for pleasure, like Anthony Bourdain?


Are either of those options

Too thin for me, not the right fit! Right, see

As a fat person

I must clearly be eating to gain weight

On purpose, or be eating

To gain weight for pleasure

By dousing myself in millions of

Scandalous treats hour after hour

Waking up with a bukakke

Of chocolate syrup and caramel and

Whipped cream as my fucking alarm clock


I AM FAT!!!!!


We bbq babies ribs and we

Suckle on society’s teet

Because dieting is fatphobic !!!!!!!


It’s not like it’s not something

We are all doing !!!!

But — I digress—

Most of all

Why we do it

Is because the baby ribs and milk of mother’s teet

Is soooo frighteningly delicious

Clearly I cannot help but overindulge

In all the ways one can eat

Besides what you do—

Because what else would explain

The elephant in the room?

The truth is far less sexy,

I eat, for the same reasons

Everyone eats.

To survive, to thrive, to pick up

Blood sugar, to try and be better

To eat more vegetables and less

Unhealthy choices—

I eat for the exact same reason you do

In the same way, but often

Much stricter, and with

Tremendous anxiety.

I know how many calories are in

Absolutely everything

And If I want something special

I cook most everything at home

As a healthier version.


If you really want me to lose weight

You’ll stop running circles around me

Like a fucking coyote

And let me live, let me breathe

Let me finish, but most of all—

Let me fucking eat.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Subscribe to the Blog

Subscribe Here!

Join 583 other subscribers


Follow me on Twitter

%d bloggers like this: