What The Hell Did You Think Pop-Tarts Were Made Of?

I can’t believe this

The lawsuits that some people come up with!

Hot coffee wasn’t a scam, but

Wasting time on

What is and isn’t milk,

Or what constitutes

A trans’ kid’s right to sport–

The pop-tarts thing

Hits me in a spot.

I am often jealous

Of anyone who has been able to live

In relative nutritional ignorance

For many years.

I remember this guy in college he was like–

“Did you know

You can count calories

On an app on your phone…~?~?!”

Amazing lmfao

My doctor told me to download that

When it first came out.

Or when my dad gets to be like

“You all need to lose weight”

While he at one point weighed more

Than the three of us combined.

Or when vegans

Post pictures of the noodles they eat

Without knowing about the eggs

That were beat.

Or when people tell me about

A diet soda alternative, as if

Water isn’t what any of us

Should rather be drinking. Anyway

I fucking hate all of you, and

All the interventions, and all the

Ignorance and all the assertions–

I hate that no matter what affiliation you have

To any party, you need to

Resize your body.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch

Thin people are presumably

Suing, because there aren’t

Superfruits in their fucking pop tarts

The way they thought there might be

Fucking hell folks

It has always said apple and pear and strawberry flavoring!!!!

I cannnot

I can’t deal with the entitlement

Next thing you know

They’re gonna try to sue ho’ ho’s

For not sucking dick.