What The Hell Did You Think Pop-Tarts Were Made Of?
I can’t believe this
The lawsuits that some people come up with!
Hot coffee wasn’t a scam, but
Wasting time on
What is and isn’t milk,
Or what constitutes
A trans’ kid’s right to sport–
The pop-tarts thing
Hits me in a spot.
I am often jealous
Of anyone who has been able to live
In relative nutritional ignorance
For many years.
I remember this guy in college he was like–
“Did you know
You can count calories
On an app on your phone…~?~?!”
My doctor told me to download that
When it first came out.
Or when my dad gets to be like
“You all need to lose weight”
While he at one point weighed more
Than the three of us combined.
Or when vegans
Post pictures of the noodles they eat
Without knowing about the eggs
That were beat.
Or when people tell me about
A diet soda alternative, as if
Water isn’t what any of us
Should rather be drinking. Anyway
I fucking hate all of you, and
All the interventions, and all the
Ignorance and all the assertions–
I hate that no matter what affiliation you have
To any party, you need to
Resize your body.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch
Thin people are presumably
Suing, because there aren’t
Superfruits in their fucking pop tarts
The way they thought there might be
Fucking hell folks
It has always said apple and pear and strawberry flavoring!!!!
I can’t deal with the entitlement
Next thing you know
They’re gonna try to sue ho’ ho’s
For not sucking dick.